We tested these arcade cabinets but we’re unsure of what the actual point of this game is. Seems like Tempest but everyone we showed the game to ended up dying of a Prozac overdose. Regardless, each cabinet has been restored to look brand new like they did in the eighties and we’ve modified the coin boxes to allow free play.

We tested these arcade cabinets but we’re unsure of what the actual point of this game is. Seems like Tempest but everyone we showed the game to ended up dying of a Prozac overdose. Regardless, each cabinet has been restored to look brand new like they did in the eighties and we’ve modified the coin boxes to allow free play.

Seriously, can you believe how insanely wicked this footwear is? Have you ever seen anything like it before? That’s what we thought. We’re almost positive that using these as weapons is banned as per the outlines of the Geneva Convention (good thing we weren’t a part of that) but it would be well worth the international stigma of being the number one badass on the planet if you kicked the guts out of your opponents with these bad boys.
The best part is if you do it just right you can get your victims to drink water afterward and watch it drain out everywhere like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Seriously, can you believe how insanely wicked this footwear is? Have you ever seen anything like it before? That’s what we thought. We’re almost positive that using these as weapons is banned as per the outlines of the Geneva Convention (good thing we weren’t a part of that) but it would be well worth the international stigma of being the number one badass on the planet if you kicked the guts out of your opponents with these bad boys.

The best part is if you do it just right you can get your victims to drink water afterward and watch it drain out everywhere like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

For some reason, and we don’t know why, this god forsaken clock was a best seller ever since it was first created in the 1990’s. There used to be a couple of them hanging up around the offices here at The Sharperer Image but after a while most of them disappeared or had bullet holes appear in them overnight.
Seriously, a clock that emits awful digitized bird chimes? We hate humanity as much as the next evil mastermind company but not even we’d make something that cruel.

For some reason, and we don’t know why, this god forsaken clock was a best seller ever since it was first created in the 1990’s. There used to be a couple of them hanging up around the offices here at The Sharperer Image but after a while most of them disappeared or had bullet holes appear in them overnight.

Seriously, a clock that emits awful digitized bird chimes? We hate humanity as much as the next evil mastermind company but not even we’d make something that cruel.

Most people’s reactions to being provocated with a knife don’t involve immediately punching their assailant in the face, much less their weapon, but we aim to fill an incredible niche market of psychologically disturbed loose cannons who go into a blind berserker rage when their “fight or flight” response is triggered. Punching a knife is a bad idea, but at least with these gloves it’ll feel like you’re punching at an unsharpened pencil.

Most people’s reactions to being provocated with a knife don’t involve immediately punching their assailant in the face, much less their weapon, but we aim to fill an incredible niche market of psychologically disturbed loose cannons who go into a blind berserker rage when their “fight or flight” response is triggered. Punching a knife is a bad idea, but at least with these gloves it’ll feel like you’re punching at an unsharpened pencil.

We’ve sampled the contents of “Jerky John’s” jerky and we must say it tastes absolutely exotic! Have you ever had Komodo dragon jerky before? No, wait, don’t even answer that because of course you haven’t. We bet you didn’t even know you could make jerky from reptiles. Well guess what, you can.
And it tastes amazing.

We’ve sampled the contents of “Jerky John’s” jerky and we must say it tastes absolutely exotic! Have you ever had Komodo dragon jerky before? No, wait, don’t even answer that because of course you haven’t. We bet you didn’t even know you could make jerky from reptiles. Well guess what, you can.

And it tastes amazing.

Clearly the biggest question on your minds is most likely “where on Earth did you get these?” Well the short answer to that question is “not on Earth, morons.” The longer answer is pretty obvious but we’ll simply reiterate that the name of this product is “alien semen”. You seem like smart people, I’m sure you can figure it out on your own.
Note: The Sharperer Image takes no responsibility for zygotes that connect to the uterus of the female of any species, complete a development term, and are ultimately born. We don’t offer child support services; you opened this can of worms, not us.

Clearly the biggest question on your minds is most likely “where on Earth did you get these?” Well the short answer to that question is “not on Earth, morons.” The longer answer is pretty obvious but we’ll simply reiterate that the name of this product is “alien semen”. You seem like smart people, I’m sure you can figure it out on your own.

Note: The Sharperer Image takes no responsibility for zygotes that connect to the uterus of the female of any species, complete a development term, and are ultimately born. We don’t offer child support services; you opened this can of worms, not us.

Mmm mmm mmm delicious. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this hunk?
Just be happy we had the decency to put a leaf over his pathetic manhood. You’d be amazed at what someone’s cock looks like after they’ve eaten nothing but Milky Way bars and pancake syrup for breakfast for 10 straight years.
It’s disgusting, in other words.

Mmm mmm mmm delicious. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this hunk?

Just be happy we had the decency to put a leaf over his pathetic manhood. You’d be amazed at what someone’s cock looks like after they’ve eaten nothing but Milky Way bars and pancake syrup for breakfast for 10 straight years.

It’s┬ádisgusting, in other words.

If you watch a lot of Mythbusters you may have seen a giant red Zoob part floating around in Jamie Hyneman’s workshop. Zoob isn’t that big, they’re about the size of your thumb, but when you have a warehouse of this crap those thumb-sized pieces of plastic crap start to add up pretty damned fast.
Kids can choke on them, the pthalates in them will kill pets, and the moment you step on one your foot will probably explode. Here’s five tons of it for a buck.

If you watch a lot of Mythbusters you may have seen a giant red Zoob part floating around in Jamie Hyneman’s workshop. Zoob isn’t that big, they’re about the size of your thumb, but when you have a warehouse of this crap those thumb-sized pieces of plastic crap start to add up pretty damned fast.

Kids can choke on them, the pthalates in them will kill pets, and the moment you step on one your foot will probably explode. Here’s five tons of it for a buck.

As a matter of fact “QWERTY” keyboards weren’t exactly designed for saving time, they were designed to be slow as hell so people wouldn’t inadvertently break their typewriters while writing screenplays to shitty black & white silent films. True, you can argue with us and say “jamming a typewriter and breaking it are two different things”, but so is keying a car and slashing its tires but both’ll piss you off if someone did that to you.
So with that said here’s the number of a good bodyshop in town that also sells tires. You’re going to need it, asshole.

As a matter of fact “QWERTY” keyboards weren’t exactly designed for saving time, they were designed to be slow as hell so people wouldn’t inadvertently break their typewriters while writing screenplays to shitty black & white silent films. True, you can argue with us and say “jamming a typewriter and breaking it are two different things”, but so is keying a car and slashing its tires but both’ll piss you off if someone did that to you.

So with that said here’s the number of a good bodyshop in town that also sells tires. You’re going to need it, asshole.

We say it’s perfect for long weddings but the truth of the matter is that our Porta-Dump is perfect just about anywhere, especially if you’re a hoarder who’s had their utilities turned off and need a functional yet chic outhouse that can go anywhere they go. Like a Goodwill, a Salvation Army store, or a church rummage sale. Just pop this bad boy open and cop a squat anywhere.
Emptying it out, though, well that’s your problem.

We say it’s perfect for long weddings but the truth of the matter is that our Porta-Dump is perfect just about anywhere, especially if you’re a hoarder who’s had their utilities turned off and need a functional yet chic outhouse that can go anywhere they go. Like a Goodwill, a Salvation Army store, or a church rummage sale. Just pop this bad boy open and cop a squat anywhere.

Emptying it out, though, well that’s your problem.